This Friday I am writing an opinion piece. It should be made clear that the following is MY EXPERIENCE ONLY and if you are involved with Black Belt Karate Studio you should take the time and effort to form your own opinion.
In a child’s world, the things of adults are strange and don’t always make sense. So is the case of my 8 year old son’s Black Belt Karate Studio journey. At the age of 4, my son needed something and we just had to experiment to discover what that might be. I had taken judo when I was younger and thought that it was a wonderful experience, laden with tradition, philosophy and ceremony. I found a karate school that did things in a way that I saw as positive and my son took to the karate like a duck to water. I loved that the students had to really earn their belts through hard work, focus and determination and maybe they wouldn't earn it as quickly as they thought. But all good things must come to an end, or so the saying goes, and the practice of earning a belt changed. I saw the change and was sad about it, but my son relished his time in the dojo, or so I thought, so we soldiered on. One night, as I was loading him up to get him to karate class, my son said that he didn't want to go. This was unusual but with some light coercion he finally went to karate. The next class night a similar thing happened and now I was curious, why didn't he want to go? Was he bored? Was karate just not a good fit? So I asked him why and the explanation I got would rock my idea of what a 6 year old can grasp.
My son explained that he worked hard and tried to learn all of the lessons but other kids who were not as prepared or as focused got to graduate to the next belt just like the kids who were really good. This was his first lesson in the trappings of the adult world. The world where marketing and finance take precedence over dedication and ethical resolve. The system had become that every three months or so pretty much everyone got the next belt and they charged premium for those $8 belts.
Flash forward a couple of months and my son was getting ready to graduate to his next rank, an orange belt. These graduations use to be a source of pride for him, but this time it was different. My son had missed some classes due to illness and just not wanting to go and there were suppose to be criteria that had to be met before you could graduate. He shouldn't have been able to get his next belt, having not met the criteria but they told him not to worry about it. What my son learned was that “if you pay sensei the money every month then he will give you a belt”. My son refused to go to the graduation and get his belt because, according to his calculations, he didn't earn it.
Flash forward a couple of months and my son was getting ready to graduate to his next rank, an orange belt. These graduations use to be a source of pride for him, but this time it was different. My son had missed some classes due to illness and just not wanting to go and there were suppose to be criteria that had to be met before you could graduate. He shouldn't have been able to get his next belt, having not met the criteria but they told him not to worry about it. What my son learned was that “if you pay sensei the money every month then he will give you a belt”. My son refused to go to the graduation and get his belt because, according to his calculations, he didn't earn it.
The adult world had infiltrated the karate dreams of a 6 year old. He had listened intently when the philosophy of respect and tradition and fairness had been taught and, by my account, had learned what he was suppose to learn and now was applying it. I was proud, in a way, that my 6 year old son was suffering from disappointment and was disillusioned by the sensei that he respected and looked up to. He refused to go back to the karate school and would not accept the orange belt that his sensei offered but wanted to continue taking martial arts. We found another dojo that operated in a very different way and my son excels in the new and challenging adventure that he has undertaken. He fretted over his first belt test after a year of hard work. He focused on the constructive criticism that he received and worked hard to improve on his weak areas. He is a very different martial artist and has grown in such a positive way that it can hardly be measured. He understands that to reach his goal he has to work hard and that the belts he has are important because he took the journey to get them.
The big change in Black Belt Karate Studio came when they exited onto the MAIA road to success which included a bought and paid for MA Success magazine cover, what had been personal was now quasi corporate and the sensei/owner felt he could say things like “I have no control over this” or “I would do it if I could, but”. We had signed a contract and, in keeping with the idea of ethics and personal morals, we continued to pay on that contract for the next 6 months even though my son attended no classes at the school. This was our responsibility and I bit my lip and paid the money because it is what I had committed to do. I do not begrudge anyone the ability to market and make their business a success. My question is, at what cost?
Sensei Kurt and I sat down one day a few weeks after we had stopped attending and he said, “I would give you your money, but I have no control over it.” I did not agrue though I knew this was not a complete truth. We discussed the idea that my son could use that money any time in the future and there were no conditions on our agreement so I took Sensei Kurt at his word. A year later, we contacted him because my son wanted to take a few lessons to learn a particular weapon. We were told that private lessons could be taught and the next step was to setup the day and time. When we agreed to the private lessons regardless of the exorbitant cost that we were given, the bait and switch was on. Suddenly, the private lessons were off the table for no particular reason and the group lessons required the purchase of a uniform of a specific color. We were told that all information that came before was wrong and that there was nothing that could be done. Sensei did not appear to be able to take responsibility for the decisions that he was making, he blamed everything on a ghost power that kept everything "out of my hands".
I am not the student, nor am I the 8 year old who has been enthusiastic about being told that he would be taking private lessons with one of his former sensei who is an expert in weapons. As a mother I wanted there to be a lesson in all of this discord and so, I decided that my son and I would go and speak to sensei Kurt about why the private lessons had been rescinded after the process had gone so far and why was there so much confusion with such a simple request? I wanted my son to have an understanding of what was going on and why the decisions had been made the way that they were. I am sorry to say that Max learned a huge lesson, as sensei displayed what would not be called a positive example of ethical or valued behavior. The humanization of a respected figure is a lesson that everyone learns at some point, removing this person from the pedestal on which they had resided. My son sat powerfully across from a man that had a mystique in the past, he voiced his opinion and showed respect and I was proud. Later my son would ask why a sensei would get so mad about all of this silly stuff? We discussed differences in personalities (a fighter mentality vs a peaceful one) and how some adults want children or those that they view as inferior to do as I say and not as I do. These are valuable martial arts lessons here.
To sensei Kurt we hope that the interaction, although uncomfortable, will inform future interactions with his customers/students. We may not see a valued return on our $500 in the form of martial arts lessons, but the potential understanding for sensei that perception is everything and that, as a business owner, the final decision is always yours; it is not the decision of the marketing firm who has promised to make your school the wunderkind if the area, it is not the margin of profit that fills your spreadsheets or the amount of money that has been sunk into the next campaign. Your standing in the community and with your students comes from the integrity with which you operate your business and the degree to which you tread the path that you empower your students to walk. It lies in the respect that you treat others with when they are not paying for your services and it is demonstrated in the actions taken on behalf of what is right.
My son said this as we rode home, "It was so easy to fix. I would be like, sure you can do that. I mean, we already paid him the money, right?" To an 8 year old the resolution was simple and clear but he has not been tempted by the bottom line and the big payday. So here I sit, feeling proud that we had closure and feeling sad that it played out the way that it did. But life moves on and the dent in the armor that was left in battle will be our opponent's reminder that we were there. No wounds. No blood. Just a ding in a shiny suit that may, one day when the planets align just right, cause a shift in behavior to more caring, kind and simple conflict resolutions.
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