Mother's Day! What the heck do you do on Mother's Day? Some dress up in their Sunday best and go off to a fancy brunch with crab and french toast. Others stay home, sleeping late and getting breakfast in bed. My day was very free form and I like it that way. We ate a late breakfast and I did things that I wanted to do but never have the time.
Manicure, pedicure, wax......NOPE! I edged the walkway, planted flowers, went to Home Depot, and spent a few glorious hours with my family at a local parking lot carnival. There is nothing that can make you feel so alive as taking that death defying leap of faith and actually riding the rides at these carnivals. This has always been my attraction to these places, you just never know what you are going to get. It could be the cute young country boy who is off to see the world (or at least the lower 48) and will definitely flirt with you because then you will go on his ride or throw a few more darts, or it could be the toothless guy who has been eating carnival food far too long, and it shows, who is jaded and hardened against the very people who help him make his living. What do you mean? You think that this sounds like something close to home? You would be correct!
OK, so it had to be before 1988 and a friend and I were driving to Kansas City to visit my family. We stopped to eat and saw a parking lot carnival. "OMG, I haven't been to one of these in sooooo long!" Just wanted to point out that if you hear this statement, you should turn around and leave, it will not be safe! You must be pre-disastered to attend a parking lot carnival (See "World According to Garp") Alas, I did not have the advantage of hindsight. Off we went to feed our adventurous spirit by riding on rides that many people might hit with a big red sticker that declared them off limits, how exciting. We decided to ride the "octopus", a very subdued ride in the carnival lexicon. The 8 arms spin around the center point going up and down as they spin. At the outer end of the arms, a small 3-4 person car is perched and spins 360 degrees in either direction. It is a more adult version of the tilt-a-whirl. We gave the guy running it our tickets and got on the ride. Immediately, I noticed a few things that should have been red flags; 1. We were the only people on this ride 2. The guy running the ride didn't seem to care. What didn't he care about? Well, if I had to nail it down I would say that he didn't care about anything at all, including LIFE, LIBERTY and the pursuit of HAPPINESS!!! and 3. WE WERE THE ONLY ONES ON THE RIDE!
Our new best friend told us to keep our arms and legs in the car at all time and to enjoy the ride. WooHoo!! Here we go! We started off really slowly and then it began to pick up speed, as we came around to where our new best friend was standing I noticed that "HE IS GONE!!" "What the hell!?". Most carnival rides are a rip off in part because they never go for very long and you just paid $3 to go on a 60 second ride. This was what kept us calm as we spun and rose and fell and spun some more. As the eternity passed and our bodies ceased to compensate for the constant spinning and altitude adjustments we began to do whatever we could to get someones attention. We waved our arms, stomped our feet, yelled, and screamed at the top of our lungs. Nothing worked to bring our rescuer forward. After we had exhausted all of our options, as well as our energy, all we could do was loudly say "Stop the ride" as we were flung past the operators station. It was our last gasp as we were forced into weak and gelatinous masses whose heads did not spin all the way around only because our spinal columns were still intact, but for how much longer?Just then our best friend came around the corner and sat down at his station with a plate of cheesy nachos and THAT is when he started to time our ride. He ate and watched us fly by, now weak from applied centrifugal forces. In one last effort to survive, we both raised our heads and yelled as loud as we could "STOP THE FRICKIN' RIDE!!" Our best friend did not stop the ride, he just waved a cheesy nacho at us and flashed us his pearly white. Finally, the ride began to slow and our bodies were brought slowly back to the reality that we will now NOT be spinning. I can tell you that my body was pissed off about the whole thing. "Are you kidding me? What makes you think that you can do all that spinning and I am just suddenly going to stop because you say so! I like to ease into these things, and this is going to cost you dearly!!" The door of our car opened and in the saddest display of decorum ever seen, we both fell on our faces on the pavement. We stumbled off to where our car was, feeling every move of our body, and laid on the hood in case we had to barf. In this moment we realized that we had been on that stupid ride for 15 minutes!! 15 minutes of sinning and being spun! That is way to long! The feelings that I had laying on the hood of the car were why I NEVER wanted to be an astronaut! After about 2 hours of regaining our equilibrium we finally could completely embrace that, though our best friend had stolen it temporarily, we had again found LIFE, LIBERTY, and HAPPINESS.
So the next time you go to a parking lot carnival, think about how brave and daring you are being and enjoy each and every ride like it will be your last. I have never gone on the octopus again but I love me some Tilt-a-Whirl and still plan to put "The Zipper" in my back yard someday. The best time I ever had at a parking lot carnival and on the Zipper, left me with spinal contusions and minor cuts.
On this mother's day, Max was big enough to feel the adrenaline from the tilt-a-whirl and, though he wasn't tall enough to ride, he longed for the Zipper and of that I am proud!.
Please always remember and don't ever forget:
"It is in the compelling zest of high adventure and of victory, and in creative action, that man finds his supreme joys."
Antoine de Sainte-Expuery
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