Eat - More -Waffle

I suppose that every child is its own experiment, you try this then someone tells you about that so you give that a shot. All of this experimenting to try and make life easier and more enjoyable for all involved. I read an article that talked about baby sign language when I was pregnant, the article expained that it can actually allow preverbal children to communicate their needs thus reducing frustration. I kind of liked the whole idea of Max learning a tactile, visual language that would let him tell me his inner most feelings before he was even able to run away from my questioning.

I bought a couple of books that taught simplified sign language, one of them was a variety of signs to negotiate the food topic. These were signs chosen specifically for the "less than 1 year old" crowd; banana, cereal, milk, ice cream, eat, drink, more, hot. So when Max was about 4 or 5 months old, I would read this picture book to him and help his hands make the motions. If he made the cereal sign, he got cereal! I was really into it. I worked the sign thing for about a month with absolutly no results!!

"I should have known that this kind of thing is just some freaky kind of scientist who ran out of money for chimps and used babies instead!" Alright! I was frustrated and really wondered what a baby thought about. How cool would it be for Max and I to have conversation when he all he could do is roll around on the floor!? I would ask, "How are you Max?" and he would sign back "I am good except for this upset stomach. Could you get me some of that gripe water you have? It really soothes my belly and I find that it has a mild seditive quality to it." Is it truely an unrealistic dream? Hell yea! What I needed was a good kick in the ass, so I gave myself one! I put the baby signs book on the shelf and did not take it out again! Until.........Max was about 8 months old and he was doing the whole walk n' fall dance. I really found great enjoyment in the drunkin' ramble that he perfected. I wish that we could all grow up and walk like that all the time. How hilarious would that be and what would a sobriety test look like? What was I talking about? Oh yea. So Max was drunk and stumbling around the living room when he fell onto the bookcase and some books hit the floor. Max plopped down and starting going through the pile when he came across that signing book. Max pulled it out, opened it up, and started to look at me while he signed cereal. What the @!*$, I ran to the kitchen and got some cereal and gave it to him. Max got giddy and in a scene reminicent of the Helen Keller Story starring Patty Duke, he started to make signs and I gave him whatever it was he asked for. He was laughing and yelling and quickly learned the sign for "more" appeared to be the best one of the bunch. It was pretty cool to have a baby that signed. It was true, what they said about less frustration for the child, Max asked for everything that he wanted and we even taught him a few extra signs like please, thank you, and waffle. Life was a slice of H-E-A-V-E-N now that we had the signs, or that is what I thought at the beginning. One morning I woke up, got Max up, and went downstairs to make his breakfast. His favorite was fresh fruit(whatever was in season), milk and waffles. I made his food and got him situated in his chair to eat. We would make the food, put it on the counter where he could see it and then he would sign for the one he wanted. Max gobbled up his waffle and signed for M-O-R-E. I gave him a second and he signed for another, so I cut the next one in half and when he was done he signed for more. I thought that he was eating too much and would end up throwing up so I kept cutting the second half of that third waffle in half, then half again and again. I have never participated in a true protest or non-violent action but I can say that I have been on the receiving end of one. That morning Max would not or could not stop asking for more waffles. He refused to get out of his high-chair and would vascillate between happy wanting more and pissed off wanting more. Eat more waffle, eat more waffle, eat more waffle!! The incident then turned violent when Max took to lobbing smashed up banana and staining fruits at me. Some of my garments still carry the wounds from that day. Like a wild beast, he signed frantically for more waffles but I refused after he had consumed 4 of them. It was a stand off and he was in this thing to win. For over and hour he signed and I resisted, till we were both exhausted. He finally gave up the fight by falling asleep in his high chair. I sat slumped on the floor and surveyed the crushed and mangled debris that surrounded me. The pictures on this post are the only documentation and they do not explain the hardship that we both experienced that day. For days after all I could think was E-A-T M-O-R-E W-A-F-F-L-E! As for Max, he asked for cereal for a long while after that.