Max's Greatest moment

I wanted to keep this blog so that I could keep track of some of those priceless moments that happen as a child grows up. Max has had some good ones but my number one stand out happened in a small cafe. We were sitting in a booth that happened to be right next to the bathrooms, so when Max announced that he had to go peepee I let him go in the single occupancy toilet all by himself. Now, some might say that the humiliation that followed was brought on by my yearning to have an independent son at the age of 4 years old, I believe it is due to the lack of forethought when instituting quality assurance standards in the home.

Max was working hard on the toileting techniques that he would need as he grew older. The one issue that he had was with a good wiping routine after a BM, so we instituted the "Butt Check". This worked wonders at home, he could go independently and then would yell "butt check" and we would come and check for any stray poo that might be trying to hide from a good wipe. This had been going on for a while when we went to that cafe and sat in the booth next to those one-holer bathrooms. You could call this the perfect storm; a convergence of factors that no single human could predict, came together to create something so horrifying that no one could ever dream the outcome. Or maybe they could? Picture this - We are back at the cafe. I am sitting at the table feeling very proud that my son can do this kind of thing on his own. I sip my iced tea( eerie suspense movie music building in the background)............the bathroom door opens (a shot of the doorknob turning and the door slowly opening).......a half naked Max shuffels to the edge of the doorway(cut away to a woman with pancakes on a fork that is moving toward her mouth in slow motion as she turns her eyes toward the door)........he turns around(cut back to Max's face with a smile of satisfaction or is it evil?)..........he bends over with his backside in the air.......(Cut to my face. Eyes widening, panic moving over it. NO!!!!!, I am thinking loudly, OH NO!!!!! Cut to darkness as he screams from under his pants, head on the floor) "BUTT CHECK!!!!!!!" (Quick cuts to the panic on the faces of all the cafe customers and then to my expression, hands reaching for the heavens then covering my face) OK, so it wasn't quite as intense as a horror movie but it came a little too close to one for me. I still remember it with this kind of movie quality about it, lots of slow motion and freaky close-ups. The human brain is a fascinating thing. Back at the cafe, I hung my head so as not to acutally look anyone in the eye. The nervous smile could not be contained and as I rose to complete the aforementioned butt check, the room broke out in the strangest and most comforting snickery laughter of recognition and I felt better as I escorted Max back into that infamous bathroom. The great thing was that this butt check was the best one he had ever had...clean as a whistle! Thank goodness for that.