I love my son but what is up with scrutinizing the details......of his food?!!
"Here ya go! Just like you like it." I say as I hand Max the dinner that I just rushed home from 8 hours of work to make.
"What is that? WHAT IS THAT!? I'm not eating that!"
This exchange happens more then I want to admit but why!? The spaghetti he has on Monday is the same that he has on Friday....in theory that is. I usually break the long pasta in half, notice I said "usually", that is because once I broke it into thirds. "GOD SAVE THE QUEEN! Not thirds!!" I have no idea why I did this and I will regret it till the day I take my last breath, but I did and I paid the price for this little slip with 15 minutes of Socratic method, well played by a 6 yr old. All of this to try to convince Max that this was the same pasta that he always has, I had just broken it differently. I must admit that the philosophical debate of the sameness of food from one day to the next taxed my logic in a very unexpected way. He finally ate the same but different pasta, convinced that it didn't taste the same and then told me not to do that anymore. Pffft!
I have decided that a good job for Max to do right now, child labor laws aside, would be quality assurance for a food company. I can see him sniffing, picking and examining chicken nuggets for the telltale signs of "difference" that may lead to the dissatisfaction of a minor. I think I heard that is a felony but don't quote me on that one. "Excuse me sir. During my inspection I have determined that this nugget is not quite the golden brown that 9 out of 10 children would enjoy. There are also small specks on these that I don't recognize and that is a bit worrisome to me. Since I have you here, I might also point out that the shape is slightly off from the ones that I KNOW taste good. We need to fix these issues ASAP, before the situation becomes dire!"
You can laugh but this is an ever so slightly exaggerated reenactment of the occasional dinner at my house.
Now, I know that this is said to be a stage that kids go through but it is soooo annoying! If he refuses to eat what I make for dinner, it goes something like this.....
"NO! I am not eating that."
"You need to at least try it."
"Nope."
"Farfegnugen!"
"Mom! You said a bad word!""Fine, you don't have to eat it but then you need to make your own dinner." Of course, his eyes widen and a smile slowly appears, well maybe not so slowly. "And it can't be fruit snacks, jello, and bread with butter!"
"Dagnabit!"
So, he goes into the kitchen and we spend the next 15-20 minutes going back and forth...
"What about a marshmallow, jelly, and syrup sandwich?"
"No!"
"But you said a sandwich would be OK."
"NO!"
"Crap!"
"Maxwell!"
"Sorry mom, I meant to say darn it."
Eventually, he will eat a meal that has veggies and other fairly healthy foods, but it is such a hassle. Incredibly, Max eats pretty darn healthy most days, having a salad of various greens, carrots, radishes, celery and occasionally avocado EVERY day. We figure, if everything else goes haywire and he eats nothing but candy and bread the rest of the day, the salad will save him from malnutrition. Delusional but it works for me! "This too shall pass" is what is always running through my head as I am pushed, prodded, annoyed, disgruntled, hung on, and made almost deaf with argument. I don't always believe that it will pass, but the saying is still in my head......well......that and Farfegnugen.
Please always remember and don't ever forget:
“There's no such thing as a tough child - if you parboil them for seven hours, they always come out tender.”
W.C. Fields
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